Positive Attitude Training by Michael S. Broder Ph.D

Author:Michael S. Broder, Ph.D.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: G&D Media
Published: 2019-11-17T16:00:00+00:00

NINE

Letting Go of the Past

Practically all of us have things we tell ourselves shouldn’t bother us anymore, but regardless of what your logical mind says, you may have nagging feelings of anxiety, anger, and depression. They may have to do with something that happened a long time ago, or just recently. They can go back to childhood, adolescence, a difficult marriage or love relationship, an unpleasant work experience, or a bout of financial hardship. But regardless of what or when, past hurt and unresolved pain can negatively impact any aspect of your life. So, when the experience is over, but the feelings linger on, the task is to let go.

Sometimes unfinished business can be worked out with the “other person,” but other times it can’t. You may have unfinished business with someone to whom you have no access or who is no longer alive. Nonetheless, the feelings remain. The one option for resolution that’s always available to you is to resolve it within yourself.

I believe that letting go is actually a skill. Some people know when the time is right to leave a person or situation, while others hang on way too long. Are you a good leaver, or do you tend to stick around long after it’s in your best interest? When I talk about staying around, remember it’s how you stay around emotionally that affects your attitudes more than anything else.

Sometimes regrets are healthy signs that something we may not have been ready to do at one time in our lives is ripe for exploration now. For example, do you tell yourself that if you had it to do all over again, you would do things differently? Maybe that’s a question that’s worth contemplating. Try this, make a list of all the things that you would do or look at differently if you could have a do-over. Chances are, that list you make will contain some great insight, if you take the time to be comprehensive. It may include some things that you took way too seriously then but you wouldn’t take so seriously now; you also may come up with an item or two whose time has come. For example, many people go back to college, change careers, rekindle old relationships, or make other positive changes in their lives, that were motivated by a nagging but insightful thought. In that case, an inability or an unwillingness to let go is simply a healthy sign that you don’t want to let go. Many people merely experience these thoughts as calls to do something differently. In a sense, these are dreams, and one of your highest responsibilities to yourself is to listen to those dreams and to act on them when appropriate. For many, this could be the wake-up call that prompts a career change or other major life change.

When you’re plagued by things from the past, such as relationships that you know in your heart of hearts could never serve you, or when there’s some loss that you’re unwilling to move beyond, then what’s called for is clearly the skill of letting go.

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